You Don't Learn by Talking - You Learn by Listening

You know, I have often heard it said, "You don't learn by talking, you learn by listening".  My father-in-law put it very simply, "That's the reason God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we could listen more than we talk".  And you know that it is so true!

One of the most underdeveloped skills in society today is the art of listening.  And good listening really is an art, not a skill to be taken lightly.  Listening is the backbone of effective communicating.  Nowhere is it more valuable than in our profession, because our ability or inability to communicate with our patients has such a direct impact on our practice profitability.

There are four basic listening styles.  Let's review these now.

• Listening in agreement - (a yes person).  Patients sometimes use this style, when they lack enough knowledge to make an informed decision about proceeding further with treatment.  Example: The patient implies to the Doctor and clinical team member in the treatment room that they are ready to proceed with the recommended treatment, by nodding their head etc.  In fact it could be that they are merely listening in agreement, because they want to show respect to the Doctor, when in reality they are really thinking "how much is this going to cost" or "how much time will I need to take off from work" etc.  As we become better listeners ourselves, it will be easier to recognize when someone is merely "agreeing" but in reality has not accepted ownership of anything, not their dental condition, financial responsibility, commitment to keep scheduled appointments, or whatever the case may be.
  
  
• Listening in disagreement - (never agrees with anyone).  Patients sometimes use this style when they are presented with information they don't want to hear.  This is perhaps the most dangerous listening style of all, because with this style of listening, actually the person is not listening at all.  This means they are not getting valuable information they need to enable them to make informed decisions about their oral health.
  
  
• Listening in automatic style - (Not really being there, off in another world...most frequently used listening style).  All of us have been guilty of listening in automatic style.  Maybe because we are involved in something else when the patient is passed to us...the phone is ringing, the insurance company has you on hold, etc.  But whatever the reason may be, and no matter how good a reason it may be, we must practice not utilizing this style.  Whatever it takes, we must not allow any patient to feel that we are distracted in any way while we are with them.  Ron Willingham says it best I think.  He says "tune the world out, and tune your patient in".  This one liner has helped me immensely over the years, at times when things were hectic, and I really needed to be reminded how important it is to focus on the patient in front of you above all else.  This brings us to the last style of listening...
  
  
• Listening in fully focused style - (what we want to do).  "Tune the world out, and tune your patient in".  In other words, be with your patient.  Often we automatically assume that when a patient does not accept treatment it is due to (1) money or (2) time.  In fact, these are two common "smoke screens".  Many times if we would only listen in fully focused style, we would see that the real concern is something very different, such as fear.  Remember, to hear, first we must listen.

Wow!  Is that powerful, or what?  Ask yourself....how well do I listen?  Remember, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care".  No other skill domonstrates caring more, than the skill of active, fully focused listening.

By Elaine Dickson